Monday, April 30, 2012

Joys in each Day

I love how each day has so many little things in it that has the potential make us smile, if we just pay attention.  Especially once spring overtakes winter!  The way thin summer clouds clouds look when the wind pushes them along on a sunny day, or hearing the birds singing the same songs I been listening to since I was a little girl, are enough to make anybody smile!  I love the familiar comfort in that, and knowing that even when I'm having a bad day they go on singing - the world goes on.  Another familiar sound I love is the sound of the racecars, as I live close to a track.  Every weekend as soon as spring comes and until summer is over, they're out there tearing up the dirt.  It is such a comforting rhythm in my life.  I sleep better when they're running, because I've been hearing it since I was born 21 summers ago.

I love getting mail, and using my favorite tote bag, and spending time with people who make me laugh.  I think sitting around a bonfire with good friends on a starry night is the best way to spend a summer night and get that joyful bubble in your heart, and spending time with my Savior the best way to keep it there.  I love Sunday mornings fellowshipping and worshipping with some of the most amazing people I know.  And even when everything seems like its going wrong, I always know that these things are there and going to always be right.

Just amazes me how each day has so many special things in it.  I should write them down, because sometimes I'm too busy or overwhelmed to notice.  For when I start to notice, I find myself feeling so much happier!  So today, stop and thank God for something.  
Because Life is really special.


Thursday, April 19, 2012

previous post continued!

my friend Beth posted a comment that made me think of something I forgot to touch on so I thought I'd do a blog post reply back to her!

I think the thing that bugs me the most that I have to watch my inner attitude about is when people look at me and don't return my smile...they just keep a solemn look...I'm learning to let it roll off and not bother me.

I know just what you mean Beth!  One of my favorite thing is to give the starers a huge smile.  I love it when they break, and smile back.  You're such an encouragement to me!

So there is another thing you can do when people are staring at you.  The bigger, more cheerily obnoxious your smile is, the better!  Let Jesus' light shine :)  
I love kids.  They just look right past everything, and accept things for what they are.
Everywhere I go I tend to get a lot of stares, Walmart is the worst for whatever reason.  My local mall isn't too bad surprisingly, and I see quite a few others in power and manual chairs.  One of my favorite places to be is my rehab  hospital, where there are dozens of others much like myself.

But I just love how children ignore differences, or accept them after a momentary glance to take something in in order to understand it before moving on.  I will always let kids (usually ones I know) come up and feel my rims, or climb on my chair, I love it!  I think it's great for them to learn early on that it's not something to be afraid of.  Sometimes parents will literally pull their kids away from me, make a wider loop in a store to purposefully avoid getting close to me in a store.  I don't think that's doing them any good, and only makes me feel uncomfortable!  So please, don't act like somebody in a chair, or with tubes/lines is a somebody to be afraid of.  Some days, if I have the energy, I'd probably prefer that you came up and said hi to me versus staring and staring and staring!  Many however would prefer people did not, please be considerate.   When somebody is staring me down, it can often last for a really long time!  It's uncomfortable and sometimes I'll just look at them back so they realize they are doing it.   Other times, I will ignore it, and continue with what I am doing.  I really wish everyone knew that this is probably the #1 thing people with a disability hates.  It makes me want to go up to whoever is doing it and say "do you know how hard it was for me to get here today?  And how much I just want to enjoy this normal task without you staring and reminding me how I stick out like a sore thumb?"  But that would be rude on my part!  Also, please don't look at me with "that look".  you know, the "oh look at that poor girl in the wheelchair oh that's so sad!" one.  I'm doing just fine!  There's another thing I love about kids, to them I'm getting around like they are, only in a different way.  and hey check out the cool wheels!  (or crutches. *whack whack*  or braces.  "ooh velcro!  let me pull that off!"  Oh, they're so cute!)

I've been blessed with a ton of really great environments, so I don't have to encounter with those awkward moments too often.  And when I do I usually go with my ignore tactic despite how annoying I do find it, I'm comfortable with who I am and I don't feel embarrassed by that.  My high school, even when I return for functions now 1-2 years later, is still just as comfortable and open a place as it was then.  Same with my large church.  My friends are cool with whatever I show up hooked up to or have sticking out of me, and I am beyond grateful for them.  Many do not have the supports I do!  But I've been thinking about this for awhile, and how I hear so many talk about how it bugs them as well, and thought I'd do a post on it.  It made me feel better, anyway!  I think so many just aren't aware, and that's ok.  Hey the more people who don't know what all this stuff is the better!  I wish nobody had to know.

Sunday, April 8, 2012


I wrote this yesterday on my tumblr.  Just going to copy and paste it here even though it's Easter Sunday.
It’s the Saturday before God the Father lifted Christ from the Grave all hope was lost 2000+ years ago.  Just remember when all hope seems lost, that He is right there with you and is always there to lift your head when you are to tired to hold it up yourself!  I’ve been in so many dark places this year, including the Valley of the Shadow, and my own sorrows and anger at my humanity.  Struggles.  Sadness.  Fear.  But God remains and in the end, He is Risen.  HE is GOD.  Jesus Christ was at the beginning and the end (Rev 1), He is the Word and He was with God at the Creation of the Universe (John 1).
Give all your worries and anxieties to Him. You don’t HAVE to live with them!  You don’t HAVE to carry them!  I know my shoulders are NOT big enough to carry them.  I can’t walk through this life with them on my back.  I have enough to carry, both physically and emotionally, and do not want or need extra baggage.  I have a Savior to give them too.  and like He said and is recorded in all 4 of the Gospels, it is Finished.  It was nailed to the cross with Jesus, He saw all our sins and sorrows and when He died He ended the legalism, it died with Him.  Heard somebody put it that way once, about the legalism, and I love that so much.   Our sins, and burdens, died with Him.  thousands of years before we were even born He took them away!  They’re gone!  but we have to give them up.  And that’s the hard part, something I’m still learning how to do every day.
I love the song You are God Alone by Phillips, Craig & Dean.
Love, Milly

Friday, April 6, 2012

Esotropia can be cool :)

five months old, showing esotropia
Today I'm off to see my opthamologist.  I've been going to the same practice since I was ten months old.  The official name for my problem is esotropia, my right eye crosses.  We now know it's from my joint hypermobility syndrome.  The 2nd doctor I saw was my favorite and I was with him the longest, about 18 years.  Dr. D and I were such buddies!  I'd grin at him through my thick lenses that he carefully fitted to me every six months, spinning back and forth on HIS stool and say something like, "so, what seems to be the problem?" just to hear his hearty laugh and whatever witty response he came up with. 
Doubt that lasted long! just shy of 1 year

  He worked hard to fix me, to avoid surgery, to improve my vision and the pain I had in my eyes as they fought each other.  He ordered patches, I wore them biting my lip against claustrophobia and embarrassment as everyone stared in school.  I tried to convince him each appointment to let me be done, mom remembers him gently telling me "almost..almost.."   Iodine drops had worked to correct my eye crossing since before my first birthday-after all what baby is going to keep a pair of glasses alone!  (though the first doc we saw told my mom she didn't have a handle on me and was in so many words doing a bad job because I wouldn't leave them alone.  We switched!)  I needed drops again several times as a 6 or 7 y/o, mom did them and again I bit my lip again against the burning.  All they had back then were plastic frames, all the adults had different styles and colors to choose from.  I remember complaining I couldn't choose a different color! 

I grew older, and didn't think much about it all it's just been apart of my life, and its not like its life altering like everything else that I have going on.  The patching and drops stopped.  I did think the eye exams in school were really annoying.  I squinted and stared and did my best and got concerned looks and a paper with a stern "give this to your mother and go see your doctor."  at first I thought the really high numbers meant I was doing GREAT! ! maybe my eyesight is really good, won't Dr D be proud!  As the years passed I just chuckled and stuffed it in my bag and waved it at mom when I got home, "look, I failed another one"  "Imagine that!" she'd reply.  I just kept squinting, moved closer to the board, used bifocals.  I rubbed my eyes a lot just to see if that'd help!  They hurt me a lot, but I didn't notice until it went away as things improved as I reaached my pre-teens.

My cousin needed surgeries for the same problem.  I look at photos of us as babies and we are identical!  Both beaming at the camera with one blue eye going the wrong way.  We look like twins.  Speaking of John, I'm so proud of him!  He is serving our country overseas.  I love and miss him so much.

By the time I was 11 or 12, I had almost perfect vision and that lasted for quite awhile.  The glass in my now blue frames was thin, and I could see so clearly!  I have relapsed a bit a few times since, including right now, and my eye crosses anytime I don't have my glasses on to some degree.  Not a big deal, you get used to words jumping away from you, like a rubber ball on a slipper surface.  I'm a "alternator" meaning I switch my eyes back and forth to make up for the crossing when I'm reading.  It's annoying and means my eyes don't work together properly, but better than sitting there with it crossed! (by the way, I'm back now!  I learned that in his words my eyes are "wanting a weaker lense" and also needing bifocals again as well as possibly a prism.  Going to try readers first though, but he doubts that will work.  So far I agree with that!)

I was beyond upset when Dr D left, fortunately Dr P is also very nice, kind, and knowledgeable.  I'm going to take him an old photo or two, since he didn't know me as a baby/toddler. I think of Dr D often,  and I always glance over at his old stool can hear my buddy laughing..