At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream A war's already waged for my destiny But You've already won the battle And You've got great plans for me Though I can't always see
And on my own, I'm so clumsy But on Your shoulders I can see
Sometimes I believe that I can do anything Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring But You look at my heart and You tell me That I've got all You seek, oh And it's easy to believe
--lyrics from "Free to be Me" by Francesca Battistelli
This song was on the radio last Tuesday as we were coming home from physical therapy. It'd been an exhausting day physically. I'd started the day off with a bang, quite hypoglycemic and passed out. I'm always not too smart, and stubborn, and do things like PT when I shouldn't but we have to cancel so much and my therapist is so wonderful about taking it easy on days when I need too. She's such a blessing in my life!
On the way home, the sun came out before a fresh spring rain had finished falling. I was hoping to spot a rainbow for Nina, as she loves them but rain is rare where she is. When I'm really, really unwell I tend to see things more poignantly: a redtail hawk catching the wind, how beautiful the dark bark of the trees in the woods look after a rain, animals scurrying from shelter to shelter.
This past week I made a big step towards crossing something big off of my bucket list, I am 1-2 unanswered questions away from having a complete application ready to submit to my local community college! It's for the Fall 2012 semester. I'm going stir crazy! My life revolves around physical therapy, doctors appointments, setting up and taking down fluids and TPN, doing meds, running tube feeds....and that is a full time job. But I'm fully committed to getting into college as I miss a schoolwork and a more normal routine so much! It will be very part-time; 1-2 classes at a time unless my memory, focus, and brain fog improves drastically. I'm excited, and assuming everything works out I can't wait to get started!