Today was my day to reaccess. I have not been feeling well. and since I didn't have any IV fluids yesterday I was especially not well. my blood sugar was jumping last night, and went as low as 52, so that was helping me feel shiny this AM either!
But as every week, I knew I just had to do it. I did the things that make me feel as well as I could, and then set up and went through the process of accessing. as I was washing my hands before beginning, I realized I wanted to for the first time in a long time. I used to really not mind, and in that moment I felt lway more at peace about it.
God wants to give us strength in our fears - but sometimes He lets us go through a period of maybe having a hard time with something to learn to rely on Him. I knew I couldn't access my port alone, I needed Him to help me wade through this difficult medical procedure with my weak hands and tired eyes, more than I realized it before as I'd gotten so comfortable with it. Sepsis shook things up in my life. Made me realize what was important all over again. Made me want to really live, and made me feel more alive.
Each time I slide that huber needle into the hub of my port I am taking away some of the devil's strength, as he wants to grip me with fear and take me down! But I can't let him, and neither can you.
What are some things you're afraid of?
I used to be terrified of dying, of doing medical procedures awake, of severe pain, of not being able to do the things I love.
I've almost died more than once, I've had scopes and tubes and needles stuck every which way while I was awake because of my dysmotility issues meaning no narcotics and anesthesia, and I can't do a lot of the things I used too. but because God has walked me through them, they're no longer terrifying. Do they upset me? sure! Do they bother me? definitely! I'm human. But He doesn't let them terrify me. Anytime I feel gripped with fear I just pray, cast my anxieties on Him, and as His word PROMISES He takes them away.