Tuesday, January 31, 2012

What do you Miss?

As we move forward, it's ok to think about what was in the past, what you miss about your "former life".  If you haven't already, its important to mourn your losses!  Losing anything very important to you in life, is like any loss. you have to go through the steps of grief.  The same goes for any traumatic experience I find.

I always mourn things as they come, best I can, and they move on (again, best I can!) Sometimes I have to revisit, and feel sad again. But it always gets easier.  It's much better to face what you are sad about than to pretend that it doesn't matter, when it does.

I used to ride horses, and play sports.  I had to work harder at it than others, unknowingly-due to my pain, undiagnosed POTS, and weakness as the years went on: but I was able to do it!
Well I still consider myself an equestrian and dream of riding and horses every day, many times a day; and come to think of it, today I was messing around on the court at my therapy hospital with a basketball in my wheelchair!  There are usually ways around our disabilities: even if its vastly different from our old lives.  I wish I could get out to the barn more, or even try sitting on the horses more, like I used to be able too, but since I can't anymore right now I can dream.  And stay as fit as I can in PT for when I am able to return, so that I can be as strong as I can for whatever goals I may have!

I had a good period this summer where I was able to do a little light riding.  Apryl, my partner in crime for about half a dozen years prior, went from a hyper and challenging ride to a gentle and careful stepper.  She knew she couldn't drop me!  I could only walk and slow trot, but I managed to trot her over a log a few times and with taking breaks did way more than I ever imagined. Such a window is long gone, and I can no longer do such things, but I believe it will open again!! This disease does seem to ebb and flow.

Besides, if we don't have dreams, what do we have?
Keep shooting for the moon!


  1. Love the post! Making a somewhat similar one now as a response. I heard a quote that said "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll still land among the stars"

    1. Love you Sarah, you are incredible. So inspiring!

  2. Awesome post! You are right, there is definitely a grieving process that comes and goes. I miss gymnastics. More generally, I miss being able to be spontaneous. Now we have to be highly flexible and often times dysautonomia dictates where we go and what we are able to do. That can change in such a discreet period of time.

    1. Ah yes the death of spontaneity. It never had a chance! Wishing you could get back to gymnastics! Haha, now you are flexible on other ways ;)
      Love, Milly

  3. I agree, you do have to go through the stages of grief. I miss figure skating, more so in the winter when it's always on tv, or cheering on my friends who are still skating and competing. I still have muscle memory when I watch it. Weird, after 8 yrs of not being able to walk normally let alone skate, my muscles still know what to do!

    1. Muscle memory is an incredible thing! I can do some crazy stunts still: in my mind!
      Never stop skating there Marieke!