Thursday, May 8, 2014

A Time to Mourn

Time for some honesty!

Sometimes, I (make that everyone) need(s) to be mourn things that I've lost or missed out on due to my illness.  I never want to let myself become my disease, a victim, but in order to stay on top and positive the healthy steps in the grieving process are so important.

The last few days, graduation photos began appearing as they do every year at this time. But this was the year I was dreading.  It's four years after I limped across the stage with my high school class and watched them ride off into their proverbial sunsets as I struggled over the next year to finish my senior year classes. While grateful for the opportunity and acceptance to walk with them that warm June evening, it felt fake and depressing.  I rather hated it at the time.

And now, I kind of hate this too.  I'm so proud and happy for my friends, it's not that.  It's merely sadness and longing to be following the path I always envisioned. I was supposed to be packing for some far off country God called me to right now.  Celebrating my own achievement.  My degree should be behind me!  Instead all I have are 3 courses at the community college   Yes, I know for all i have going on that's not bad. I believe I can be a witness wherever I am. There's a dozen silver linings I could tell you about my situation; really amazing & beautiful ones. But sometimes it's OK to be sad about what has been lost. Just so long as you do not wallow in it. That you are certain to stand up and move forward, because otherwise you will never accomplish anything at all.

In Christ's love